A cozy, hang-over free New Years, sobriety and CHOOSING your 2020.
Oh man, what can I say about 2019? Or even this past decade as a whole?
10 years ago I graduated High School. Crazy to think that from the year I graduated high school up until now I've experienced things like:
moving to 3 different states
working in a nightclub as a bottle service waitress
becoming addicted to alcohol
so many blackouts
trying cocaine for the first time
becoming addicted to cocaine
being sexually assaulted
being physically violent towards multiple people
getting my real estate license
overcoming prescription drug dependence
starting a blog
starting a podcast
holding my first sobriety event!
meeting the love of my life
reconnecting with my higher power through meditation
C O N N E C T I O N
C L A R I T Y
F R E E D O M
and so, so much more!
I wanted to show you this list so that you can see the rollercoaster of events over the past 10 years. It has been a bumpy ride and I believe that is the case with most people. A lot of people look at me and think I've got it all together, but the reality is that it took me so long and so much effort to get here. It's been a TON of work and I wouldn't have wanted it any other way. These past 10 years have built me.
2019 was the year I FINALLY got sober. I had gotten a month, 2 months even 3+ months under my belt prior to 2019 but this was the year it finally STUCK. This was the year I finally made the leap of faith. I quit a job I was unhappy at, left a 3 year relationship that fueled my drinking, completely changed my environment and started from scratch. People always ask me how I stay sober and my answer is that I make my sobriety my #1 priority. My sobriety is what gave me a second chance at life. When I decided that I was really going to get sober I cut almost all ties with my drinking friends and stopped going to places where drinking would take place. Some people think this is extreme and some people say "well I could never stop hanging out with my drinking friends, they are such a big part of my life" or "my life is so revolved around alcohol, I don't want to miss out on the fun or end up alone".
I get that... but for me, I was faced with life or death. My drinking habits had me thinking I wanted to end my life on multiple occasions over the years and the amount of alcohol I was drinking surely would have lead to a premature death in one way or another. For me, cutting people out of my life who were't supportive of my sobriety and staying away from places where heavy drinking was the main focus was a small price to pay in order to keep me alive.
When I was stuck in my addiction I had little self-worth, no boundaries, no fear of consequences, no care for my long-term health and no hope of a truly fulfilling future.
So when people ask me what I am doing on New Years, I tell them...
I am keeping my ass at home, in my pajamas, ordering Uber Eats, watching a movie and eating some damn ice cream. I am going to wake up early and hit the gym and not only plan my goals for 2020 but get working on them. A clear mind. No hangover. No regrets.
Is this boring for me? HELL NO.
THIS IS THE LIFE I'VE CREATED.
One where I am not only content spending time in solace and quiet or snuggled up with my husband , but one where I am ECSTATIC knowing that this is the life I CHOSE. I am not "missing out" on anything! I am not forced to be sober, I am not forced to hang out at home on a Friday night. I CHOOSE to not drink alcohol because I am DONE poisoning my body and not being in control of my own life. My priorities have changed from going out and drinking in order to try to fill whatever void I had inside my heart to staying and home and nurturing my wounds. Growing my soul. I cherish the life that I have created and I am now extremely selective of the people and situations I allow in it.
If you are having a hard time getting and staying sober or changing your environment to a healthier more fulfilling one, just ask yourself this:
Is the pain you are feeling and the life you are creating around alcohol worth it? Is alcohol worth keeping you stuck in a place you feel you can't get out of? Is alcohol worth the constant feeling of wanting to escape your life? Is alcohol worth the pain you may be causing to yourself and others around you? Is alcohol worth no longer recognizing yourself?
If the answer is no, then the only solution is to do whatever is necessary to put an end to the vicious cycle. You have to take back control in whatever way works for you. Attend your first AA meeting, reach out to an addiction counselor, go to a detox center, check in to a rehab, read all of the books and listen to all of the podcast on addiction... If you have no idea where to begin, reach out to a loved one. Ask for help.
2020 is not only a new year, but it's the beginning of a new decade. This is the decade where we take back control of our lives and start living the life we WANT to live. In 10 years from now we will look back at all of the beauty we've created and smile.
You are not alone.
No matter what you've been through or are currently going through there is a way out of it.
** If you are sober, or curious about sobriety, we would love for you to join our Facebook group - Mindful Times Facebook Community for support, encouragement, accountability and questions.
Private Sobriety Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/511982812958932/