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  • Demi Davidson

Sobriety - Be kind to yourself.

Updated: Nov 20, 2019


I had a dream over the weekend... or maybe more like a nightmare. I dreamt that I was out with friends at a restaurant, I was sober, but having serious cravings. It was a party crowd and everybody was drinking and as the dream went on I felt myself getting weaker and weaker until I got to the point of really telling myself "maybe you could try drinking again". This continued on, for what felt like hours, and I never ended up drinking in my dream, but it was a constant back and forth between the devil and angel on my shoulders pulling me in opposite directions. It felt as though I kept coming extremely close to drinking, but then wouldn't. This was a nightmare for me, because the idea of ever going back to the place I was in when I drank is terrifying to me.

I haven't been having any cravings lately, but I do feel that the subconscious brain can play tricks on us. If you have or had spent most of your life drinking like I did, you know how much the patterns and habits become engrained in our minds. When we would get off work at 5 PM, we would get home and pour a glass of wine, or crack open a beer, or even pour ourselves a straight shot of liquor, without even thinking twice about it. It was the norm. We became so used to ordering drinks out at dinner with friends or cheers-ing during celebrations that we didn't even have to think about it. Once we quit, those patterns and habits still exist in our subconscious. I still have little moments where I think about drinking. Not because I want to drink, but because it was a habit it my life for so long. Even when we break the habit, those memories can still exist in our heads. Isn't that interesting?

I think that we can be super hard on ourselves. Especially in the beginning of sobriety when we are just trying to find out footing and find what works for us. If you are in the beginning of your sobriety and find yourself failing over and over again please remember to be gentle and loving with yourself. If you make it to 10 days and fail, try again. If you make it to 5 days and fail, try again. If you are an every day drinker like I was and you go even 1 day sober, freakin celebrate yourself! That's huge. Everybody is on a different journey and deserves to go at their own pace.

Another way of looking at it, which is the route I took, was I was sick and tired of failing. I was tired of feeling guilty, ashamed, sad, anxious etc. about my drinking habits. I was sick and tired of hurting the people around me and myself. I was ready to take ownership and fight through all the pain and discomfort it took to get sober. I was fed up. I embraced the anger and decided I wanted to destroy that feeling. I wasn't going to let the devil on my shoulder make me feel this way any longer.

Dig deep within yourself. Figure out where you are at and how you are feeling. Do you need to be loved and nurtured? Or do you need to prepare to go to battle?

Listed to yourself. Be kind to yourself. Love yourself.

You deserve it.

With love,


Demi


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