• Demi Davidson

Does alcohol ACTUALLY help us relax?

Updated: Dec 12, 2019

Something that has been coming up a lot for me lately is false belief systems. Things that we tell ourselves over and over and actually believe, but when you break them apart you realize they were never really true. This stand VERY true when it comes to alcohol. So many people struggle with this, including myself. Some people are open about it, some people hide it and some people truly just don’t even realize it yet. My partner and I practice something often, which he is extremely great at, and we call it “reverse engineering”. It’s been extremely useful lately in figuring myself out and also when helping others try to figure out and understand the reasons why they feel they can’t quit drinking. My advice to them is this-


Start with your false belief, and work backwards.

“Alcohol helps me relax”.

Okay, now write that down and pick it apart.

WHY do you believe this is true?

How do you feel before you drink?

How do you feel while you drink?

How do you feel after you drink?

Let me tell you from my experience.

Why do you believe alcohol helps your relax?

Well, when I drink it helps me forget my problems and let's me enjoy the moment instead of worrying about all of the other things going on in my life.

How do you feel before you drink?

I feel like I need it in order to relax. I actually obsess about it until I have it. I start to believe that I actually won't relax or be able to enjoy my night without it.

How do you feel while you drink?

At first I feel warm and euphoric. As if I may actually have the opportunity to relax for the night and relieve some of my worry and anxiety. But then it becomes clear that I need more and more alcohol to reach that point. And then I am wondering if I will ever actually reach that point? Euphoria turns to frustration and frustration turns to anger. I start texting/saying mean things to people I care about. I break things in the kitchen while making dinner. I don't wash my face or brush my teeth before bed. Then I black out.

How do you feel after you drink?

I'd black out pretty quickly, but then wake up around 2 am feeling exhausted, so thirsty and confused about what had happened and how I got to this point. I try my hardest to fall back asleep for a little bit because I know I will need the energy to get through my work day. I wake up feeling embarrassed, ashamed, apologetic, confused and anxious about what I did or said the night before. The issues I was trying to escape from are still there and feel even worse now with all of these other feelings and emotions piled on top of them. I feel like absolute dog shit.

So ask yourself this- Is alcohol really helping you relax or is it temporarily dulling your sense of stress? Have you built a false belief system around the idea that alcohol helps you relax, and once you've dissected this false belief and pulled it apart, do you still truly believe in it?

I guarantee that whatever is causing you stress will still be there in the morning if you choose to numb it rather than deal with it and work through it. If you feel the extreme need to relax or numb out from life, there is a clear underlying issue that alcohol absolutely will not fix. What we are doing at this point is treating the symptoms instead of the causes. Not to mention, alcohol actually fuels the stress and anxiety fire. So is this truly helping you relax?

This is just one of the MANY false beliefs we tell ourselves and I am absolutely committed to disproving the others. Not just for myself, but for others struggling on this journey.

With love,


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